Maybe I am Crazy

Maybe I am crazy.
It's a phrase my brain repeats to me
on an endless melody throughout
my day, again and again.
I mean, its the only reason
they would leave right?
A mother isn't supposed to leave
their child, nor a sister, or a friend?
Everyone leaves throughout my life.
Maybe its just me.
I hear his voice running over and over again
through my brain; going over every little
thing that I messed up in my life.
How I failed my courses.
I failed my husband.
I failed my sister.
I failed him.
So maybe it's true.
Maybe he was right all along.
My brain races constantly with these thoughts;
When I'm lying in bed next to my husband,
when I'm working,
when I'm walking down a street.
No matter what happens
he's constantly there in the back of my mind
reminding me.
Telling me.
Failure. Failure. Failure.
You can't do anything right.
Egging me closer and closer to that edge.
My heart starts to constrict,
my thoughts race again.
Laying in bed, bottle of pills in one hand;
a knife in the other.
Just a few opiates he says,
then you can slice open your veins
and your heart.
Let the blood spill out over the bed.
Feeling your heart speed up for a moment,
then the dizziness starts
and everything goes dark.

Maybe I am crazy.