Forever ago, Never changing

Why does it seem impossible to write anymore?
Sitting here just staring at the wall,
blank slate across my mind.
Yet, all I can do is fall.

Falling through the darkness
never ending, never stopping.
Deeper and deeper my mind goes
into the abyss of nothingness.

It's been so long since I have felt the cold
yet shockingly warm embrace of nothingness.
The utter chaos spinning like a tornado
leaving my thoughts a utter mess.

Why do I feel this way?
Like no matter how hard I try
all I can do is spiral back down here.
Back to where I cannot even cry.

There is no reason for it,
at least none that is obvious like before
yet somehow, I still find myself cold blade in hand
slumping onto the floor.

Its been forever since I felt the sting
of the blade across my skin
one drop, two drop, three drop four.
Finally the room begins to spin.

The floor turns a deep crimson red,
much better then two months ago
when I was so close to deaths sweet embrace
as he creepily whispered hello.

Yet you see I'm still here
being taunted and drained
of every last bit of energy
while I'm sitting here chained.

Stuck out of utter responsibility,
trying to not hurt those around me
even though my heart hurts for the past
no one will allow my soul to be free.

Maybe one day, in the future
when everyone is gone.
Maybe then my torture will cease
and my soul can meet my son.