I really like how you have put this short piece together, the humour where the 'cat' gets the cream so to speak, all the while you are suffering with a bladder full ;)
1 year ago
The comedy in this piece is palpable. The title is perfect because it does fit the narrative of the poem itself. You are uncomfortable because you have to use the bathroom but as the old cliché goes, once a cat is on your lap, you cannot move. haha. But I do think the structure of the poem fits nicely within a short piece because you did well to tell a story within those lines. The main focus of the poem is your bladder which was established in the very first line. I have read the second line a few times but I always stumble over the word "relief".
It fits I think but in my mind "relieve" fits better and I could be complete wrong on that. It very well could be an American vs British thing though. Of course it is just a suggestion so take it with a grain of salt haha. but barring that, I really like how the second line flows with the first. it works well and doesn't stray from the poem itself.
To me there are so many things to like about the third line because, that is really where the title comes into play, and it really does wrap up the poem nicely. you have your uncomfortable moments in the first two lines, but then the third line is where the kindness comes in. But within a hidden meaning- cats always know when their human is in pain, so that act of kindness in comically ironic.
I loved the no punctuation here because it helps the poem feel more free flowing and natural and it reads like that as well. I see no real mistakes that I would change, so well done.
Jamie, it's so nice to hear from you again. I know life can be too much and a break is often necessary. Still, you've been missed. :0)
Thanks for your in-depth comment, they are always insightful and helpful. As for my typo, thanks for spotting that for me. See, where would I be without your help.
Thanks and warm welcome back. X