I know that people aren't burdens
but I'm feeling burdensome.
Every day, I try to speak less,
mute my own happiness
however fleeting it may be.
Though it's illogical, sometimes
I don't feel loved in the right ways.
Just because I am not painting
my pain all over the kitchen tiles
does not mean it's not there,
threatening to choke me if I
say too much.
I don't like to be caged, I'm not
asking for more proximity,
only for you to understand how
close I am to giving in, wavering
between what I have control over
and what will bury me alive.
I never knew that sheltering
others from the expected
damage could kill me this
I rise, I shower, I work
and you rarely see me falter.
People don't notice when you're
trying yet barely surviving.
They only see when you've
given up, breakdowns and
hurricanes, the effects of
hurting from within.
I agree, I do relate too. I feel the fact that you write about your pain and sharing it, will make that aftermath a little less painful.
I am glad to see this nominated despite your message. To show you that pain is meant to be shared :)
Thank you dearly, STAR. I like what you said about pain being shared, because I think that raises a valid point that we aren't meant to deal with everything alone. We shouldn't be expected to. Everyone has pain, different pains but still... the more we support and speak about it, the less we feel controlled or weighed down by it all.
MA, I won't try to guess the situation this relates to but your pain is clear and so well expressed. It's amazing how well we're able to function up to that point where we give into the pain and allow it to take over, but until then, we can hide it from those who don't know us so well.
I related really well to the part about feeling torn between taking action to keep some control, or allowing the situation to play out, even though you suspect it will cause more damage down the line. Sending hugs and hoping you get some respite from this soon x