I had to make a difficult decision to let you live or die,
in the hospital, I had to be the one to choose what to do,
I feel like now you would be mad at me for letting you live,
live in a wheelchair and unable to verbalize what you need.
Have I been a bad daughter by allowing others to influence that choice?
Should I have made the decision to let you go right then and there?
I had just gotten married less than 9 months prior,
you were there dancing with me and smiling so big,
now I am looking at a man who I do not completely know,
how could I have been so blind and naive not to see it?
Could I have made the decision to take you off life support?
Would I change my choice now that I see the life you lead?
I sat in the critical care next to your bed; feeling defeated.
you touched my head and played with my hair,
and I knew part of my father is still there and staring back at me,
I keep hoping I lived up to what you expected of me.
Do you feel I must have hated you to let you live this way?
Does my love still reach you in the deepest corners of your mind?
There is a guilty feeling when I got diagnosed with all my issues,
I feel like I have failed you twice now; getting out of bed is hard,
I woke up in pain one day just to find out I have three new illnesses,
I hope you will forgive me for not coming to see you as much as possible.
Are you going to feel like I deserted you since I could not come to see you?
Are you going to look at me negatively after I have been the apple of your eye for so long?