Let Me Dissolve

How do you escape
The very need to escape?
How do you accept love
Without flaming up?
How do you not run away
Just as they start to see you?
How do you welcome peace
Without intentions of driving off the cliff?

I have thought about it
And I think about it still
The way they calmy sit with everything else
The way I never could've done myself.

Why do I sabotage
Every good thing I have
And then cry over it
While drowning in misery and rage?
Why do I reject warmth
And bury myself in the frost of despair and grief?
Do you ever think about it?

Do you ever think about it?
How I would've never lost the chance
To walk through every road with you,
If I were anything but me
For I am full of calamities
And I cannot bring it upon you.

And if I were anything but me
I would've loved to hold your hand
And steal memories.

But for now,

Let me dissolve.