Jungle (Senryu)

by ddavidd   Apr 10, 2021


Being innocent
is the most punishable
crime in the jungle.

4


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Latest Comments

  • 1 month ago

    by Jack

    I live this poem!

  • 1 month ago

    by Em

    I like this alot although I have a suggestion if you don't mind that is...
    I'm thinking because the title is used as a fourth line maybe it would work better having a synonym for jungle for example wilderness, the wild.. Just with jungle being the lady line of the third line, if that makes sense? It's only a suggestion and maybe I read this completely wrong but with it being a senryu, it threw me off balance a little other than that a great piece.
    Take care x

    • 1 month ago

      by ddavidd

      I'll think about it

  • 1 month ago

    by Rog

    I like it very much. I was thinking about this theme recently and it's superbly concise painted here

    • 1 month ago

      by ddavidd

      Glad that we think likewise

    • 1 month ago

      by Rog

      My idea was something about the nature of beauty the cruel goddess :

      On the hill the lion yawns, nature is beautiful
      A gazelle stops chewing

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