The sun faded behind the seesaw mates,
They watched a moon of cheese begin to rise.
The mice all squealed, “we'd like to have a taste,
But how to reach a moon so very high?”
The elephant began a cunning plan,
On hippopotamouse he stood and str-etch-e- d
The mice climbed up his trunk, in fact they ran,
But that big moon remained a teasing test -
Onto the seesaw five fell all too soon,
The elephant so hard the mice flew high…
All at once three mice were on the moon,
Enjoying Swiss type cheese up in the sky.
Three mice just wished to taste a moon of cheese,
They did with friends and help from gravity!
Thanks for this. I will look over it and im sure change those areas.
The moon was rising, so the word 'rise' would fit nicely! As for the elephant, this was an area I hoped the reader would interpret. The 5 fell onto the seesaw, elephant one way and mice the other causing them to catapult up.
A sequel! How brilliant! You have made the sonnet look deceptively easy here, when we all know they're anything but. I love this continuation of the story and can imagine them as a series of children's books with fun illustrations, both poems have all the right ingredients for it. I can't nominate it on a Sunday but I don't doubt I'll be beaten to it.
So well done Mr D! :-) x