by Kate   May 9, 2022

I have no ability to shake or ignore this feeling.
It eases into my veins, paranoia bubbling under my skin.
It reverberates against my frail ribcage,
A caramelization of desire to run and a deep depression.
I regretted the moment the plane left tarmac;
I hate the way my hometown makes me feel.
How the smell of pine and threatened rain soothes me
Yet memories and pain pull me under instantly.
I have cried so that the skies must cry with me
So that the flooded streets do not raise alarm.
What I buried has clawed out of its dirt grave
So that it may taint every new memory made.
A hatred settles into my brittle bones and
I cannot free myself of this chokehold.
I claw the hand at my throat, suffocating me,
But find only a trail of tears running wild.
I stand here in an excruciating limbo,
Unable to make the legs that want to run cooperate,
Trying to convince myself that I just want to feel alive
Rather than cease the rhythm in my chest.
I stand here, cemented, in the middle of chaos,
Crying myself an ocean to drown in.
I stay here, paralyzed.


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