A love yet lived

You sat so near, and yet so far
All i wanted was to reach out and touch
But when i grew close, I pulled back as if burnt
Because I know I'm not the type you want

Do you know? or even give a damn?
Realize i have nothing to lose
In that bubble of self importance
I'd find it hard to hear to

Part of me knows that you'll hurt me
And part of me just tries to care
For the pain is only what keeps me real in this world
As I've nothing else left to share

When you see me, all you see is a face
Smiling, but not much to see
But as i look up and catch your eye
I long for you to see the real me

For to smile or to laugh is heaven
A trip away from me
Away from the pain, sorrow, no-hope
That clouds all living memories

To get close, you need to break through
The walls, so tall and so dense
So no-one can hurt or again break my heart
Like others have tried and succeeded

My make-up, the blanket I hide behind
The mirror, my Armour to the world
And if you saw me without, all you would find
Is an insecure, frightened little child

My reflection betrays me
Which I'd know as its all that i see
A face so covered with face paint
So no-one can see the real me

I know what you call me behind my back
I'm not as deaf as you seem to think
Then say sorry, after all it was only a joke
I laughed, but inside i retreat

Away from the light and into the dark
The shadows that never will leave
They hide the demons, the scars as-well
So I'm always comforted

Its only then i can rest
When no-one can hear me or see
That I'm alone when the barriers come crashing down
And the screams can erupt from me