Baby, I'm Keeping Myself Alive

Feels like forever since you left my side.
Or should I say, since I walked out your life.

I seriously did not mean to hurt you.
These words I type might mean nothing to you.

Only god knows I truly love you with all my heart.
Only god knows I really wish we wouldn't be so apart…

I am really sorry for not opening up to you then.
Now more than ever, I am in need for a friend.

I hope that one day you will try to understand.
My main reason I had to let go of your hand.

I know this might not even make any sense.
But at least you know that I’m mixed up in my head.

Perhaps you’re turned off by the fact I am not that strong.
I have let you see my weakness carry me along.

I think you would have helped me cope with this pain.
But I chose to deal with it the hard way.

Maybe you do not care,
There is a chance you still do.

No matter what it could be,
It will not stop me from loving you.

Oh my baby,

Within I cannot stop screaming,
No one hears my torn cries.

I am alone, and hollow,
Headed toward my knife.

(tears roll down my eyes)

Baby, If you care,
I ask for some things.

Smile because you are still breathing.
Laugh everyday.
Cry because I still love you.
Continue to pray.

Do not worry,

I have not cut that deep,
So be happy I have not died.

Be happy for the fact,
That for now,
I am keeping myself alive....

P.S.~ Dedicated to my ex boyfriend…Arie(J.A.D)l… (though he has not read this poem). Where ever you are, or whatever it is that you are doing, I love you… One day you will know I really self-harm, and by the time you find out, I’ll be gone…

((This poem I think is not too good, but you got to xcuse me, I am feeling mixed up in thoughts lately, I had to let things out.))