Hidden Agenda

This is my pathetic explanation,
Told straight from the heart,
Each day is a nightmare
As i slowly fall apart.

Many nights I've sat alone,
Drowning in my tears
Because i cannot tell you,
Even after nearly a year

I'm so scared of living,
Yet so terrified of death
I have no one to turn to,
You are all that's left

People make their promises,
To listen to my plea
But no one will ever realize,
What's aching inside of me

They say i look different,
That I'm getting far to thin
It's not because I'm tired
And not because of "him"

My body feels so weak,
From the fingers down my throat
Some days i wish i could stop,
Because I'm expected to cope

I'll put on my loving smile,
When you ask how i am
I'll tell you i am great,
And lie as much as i can

This is my hidden agenda,
My everlasting pain
No matter how much i try
My life will never be the same

-There are many different things i have involved in this poem, such a down state-