My Last Poem

* I don\'t care if people don\'t like this poem, it\'s only posted on here to say goodbye to those who have supported me and had faith in my writing.

I lived, I breathed
But it was all a lie
Cos people saw me ache
But they didn’t know why

And tonight I’m tired
I’ve found I can not cope
No matter what they say
I have no hope

I’m tied to a chain
Weighing me down with despair
A little voice says
‘you gotta get outta there’

And tonight, tonight
I’ve decided I agree
Because there’s no other way
As far as I can see

Mummy, I love you so, SO much
Please believe I’m sorry
Know that you did all you could
I’m grateful, but please, don’t worry

Joe, Stuart, I love you
As kids we were at war
But you both now care so much
It’s something I’m so grateful for

Daddy, I do love you
But so much I didn’t understand
We were close, but so far apart
I don’t think you had that planned

Fiona, my rock right
When things began to slide
I LOVE YOU, you are AMAZING
Comforting me every time I cried

Paul … the one and only guy
I fell in love with, you were the first
One who made me feel beautiful
Made me happy when I was at my worst

Hannah, I love you so much
Closer now than ever before
I’m sorry I won’t be coming
To sleep-overs anymore

Anna, Tali, Belle, Stacey
All my friends at school
You stood strong beside me
When life and people were so cruel

All my internet friends,
And every other friend I’ve met
You showed me love and friendship
That I could never forget

Uncles, aunts, nanny + Granddad
And all my cousins, remember
Me as the happy girl I was
Before I fell that December

To everyone who ever smiled
Or hugged me in any kind way
I remember and I thank you
For split seconds you made it OK

To Sharon … the girl
Who got lost, and never found
I miss your laughter, for so long
You haven’t been around

I don’t really know who this is
Writing this note, starting to cry
I guess it is me, And I guess …
This is goodbye.

* OK, that was my suicide note I wrote in my diary last night … this next one is, obviously written because I didn’t succeed …. *

This above was my goodbye
That I wrote in black ink
Crying crimson tears
Willing myself to really think

Say the right words
Because it was to be the end
A goodbye to every single
Relative, acquaintance and friend

I played ‘mad world’
On my CD player on repeat
Had one last cigarette
That tasted so sweet

I cried to my mom
Told her I was too tired to fight
I slipped off and slit my wrists
I grew faint at half ten last night

Fading away my mom
And my brother found me
They panicked, I was losing conscious
They wrapped a bandage round me

I cried, hysterical
But so quiet, I could hear
Rushing in my head
I felt urgency, not fear

That I would die before
The ambulance came
So desperate was I
To end my pain

Rushed off as I screamed
So silent that I wanted to die
I asked for them to let me go
My mom held my hand, she DID know why

Nine stitches in my wrist
And a hospital bed
I had glorious dreams
Of putting a pistol to my head

They sent me home and
Still I am determined to leave
Yes, I may hurt my mom
Yes my friends may grieve

But in my warped mind
I see it as nothing compared
To the living hell I have to endure
I will go, and I am prepared

They saved me last night
But tonight I will make sure
That when they do find me …
I won’t be alive anymore.

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005