So much pain ©

What do i feel? Its kind of confusing.
like silent screaming, or careful bruising.
lost in a canvas of so much emotion
drowning slowly in an empty ocean.

my feelings for you; they are totally numb.
Betrayal for me, broken hearted for mum.
thrown out of an image, painted so perfect,
lost under the lightening, feelings not worth it.

A girl so lonely, trying to fight,
desperately trying to make everything right,
wanting to escape her dreadful life,
trying to erase the obsession with her and the knife

dying so slowly, and noticed by no one,
this pain deep in my heart, its just begun,
wilting gradually, like a lifeless rose,
and the best part is that nobody knows.

tired and lonely, in this dreadful place,
tears on there way down, they freeze on my face,
shaking uncontrollably, hidden safe in my bed,
if you cant love me, why cant i be dead?

i can feel so much darkness, as if i was through,
trying to hold your hand, being rejected by you
i can feel so much pain, please take my hand?
i can feel so much hurt, and no one can understand

those girls in the mall, they have a Dad,
i get so jealous of what they must have,
i cry because I'm hurting, I'm hurting cause of you,
did i make the right decision? are we really through?

they say i don't need you, is that true?
so whats this empty feeling, is that you?
i have an empty space, deep within my soul,
no matter what i do, its never gonna be whole.

I miss you so much, am i allowed to love you?
Don't just watch me drowning, aren't you coming too?
i want to say that you love me, i want to say that u care,
But i have as much chance as that, as i do with catching thin air.

*so hurt, so upset, so much pain*