Lonely man
by shawn hoskins Sep 20, 2005
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This is the story of a lonely man lives his life from the bottom of a can,works hard all day comes home has nothing much to say,somewhere along his life things went astray,he's to far gone now to change his ways,the light in his life is gone these days,darkness befalls him it ends the same way he passes out with the can in his hand,this is the life he never planned,the pain in his eyes is felt so strong,somewhere along his life someone did him wrong,he turned himself to his only friend to numb his pain,tears fall from his eyes like rain,how did i get this way as he reflects on a life that's past,i used to be so young and full of energy to last,now i'm lost just a shell of a man,i guess this is my life,the life of a lonely man. |
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Latest Comments
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18 years ago
by Sean Allen
"he's to far gone now to change his ways"
it should be 'too' not 'to'
Concept-wise I'll say that certain aspects of it were certainly impressive. Grammer-wise, you have many things you could improve upon. If you're going to have it all together like that, you might as well format it correctly, and add commas where there should be pauses, and add periods where sentences should end. if you were shooting for a complete stream of consciousness poem, then i'd suggest just removing all of the commas in the entire poem. -
18 years ago
by Jamie
I love it, i just really liked this one i have nothing to say bad because i dont want to repeat myself again and again this was touching, i loved the concept some parts didnt rhyme as i think you intended at the end but 5/5 really good
