Brotherly love
by shawn hoskins Sep 23, 2005
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"Hey little brother how are you feeling,"not very good how long have i been in this hospital bed?"For almost a week you've been in a coma you were in an accident your lucky your not dead."What happened i don't remember?"Well you had been drinking and you ran off the road and hit a light pole,but your going to be alright you know," yea i guess i will how long have you been here?"For about week Ive been right by your side,i got to admit it's been hard for mother to cope doctor said you didn't have much hope, well little bro it's time for me to go I surely will miss you."No you don't have to go stay here by my side,"see i would little brother but i was in the passenger seat that night your going to make it but i died." |
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Latest Comments
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18 years ago
by Jamie
Okay this was amazing i really was shocked when i got to the last line you are very good you could write some good stories with the ideas you get...
however the end lines also totally lost me
"well i must be going i'm surely will miss you."No you don't have to go stay here by my side,"see i would little brother but i was in the passenger seat that night your going to make it but i died."
"im surley will miss you" that dosn't make any sense either "I sure will miss you" or "I surley will miss you"
"No you don't have to go stay here by my side"
this seems like it is saying oh you dont have to stay go on home ill be okay when shouldnt it be saying please dont leave I really want you to be here because the response the dead brother gives only makes sense if the alive brother WANTS him to stay
so since you confused me...alot....imma give this a 4/5 right now -
18 years ago
by Pilar
Whoa it's a very good one
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18 years ago
by Goth
OMG...the ending just blew me away.
(now thats out the way)
I do have a suggestion, even though Ive never read a poem quite like this one try something like this:
Brother 1.."Hey brother how are you feeling"
Brother 2.."not very good, how long have i been in this hospital bed?"
Brother 3..and so on...
I really dont know the correct way, but im sure that someone would help you with a little more exprience, I really liked this one so 5 it is!
