Now and Then(First Poem)

So much better!! ok another little tip to share!
"And as time goes by he understands why you wouldn't" that line is a whole lot longer then the others around it.

Time ticks by, he understands why
You chose to not to stay
Yet with happiness and pride
With tears he recites

that still gets your point across to the reader but it tightens it up. i hope you know what i mean with that! but i'm really impressed with your work so far. excelent improvements.

~Jacklyn

once you get use to things like this it's easy and will come almost natural

Now: 7 or 8 if you count the title
just try not to repeat words so many times. i love the idea of the poem, it's very touching. just repeating yourself so many times brings down the quality of the poem, and i did it a lot too in my early poetry but i'm only giving you this to make you better not to insult you. everyone has room for growth and improvement. just practice and pay attention to that. i can try and help if you want.

but other then that i like the poem, the idea is well done.and people can relate to it

~Jacklyn