God, Why Do I?

Why do I feel so dead deep down inside my heart
Why do I quit in everything before it even starts
Why am I slacking down in life and all it has to give
Why do I feel like maybe it's not important if I live

Why do I go on wandering the streets alone at night
And I just keep on smiling, pretending I'm alright
Because maybe I cannot tell how I really feel inside
I am afraid they will laugh at me or even make me cry

It's hard to understand this life, and all the things I need
Some people think I'm perfect, where internally I bleed
For some reason I am falling. I think evilness has won
Why do I feel all of these things, and when has it begun

What happened to those days, where nothing was wrong
And if someone said something, we all would play along
The experiences were innocence and everything was fine
But I realized that the older I got, my life went out of line

I wish I could run back to then, to all the childhood days
So that I could start all over, and change all of my ways
Maybe there was a short-cut that led me to be like this
I'm sure there was a good road that maybe I have missed

I know what is needed from me, and what I have to do
My problem is my inner-self, the part that isn't true
I feel like I have two sides of me and I have no control
And just like it was promised, the devil took his role

If only I could be strong enough to beat him in this life
To be stronger in my religion and throw out all the lies
Because I know somewhere, there is a way waiting for me
And no one here will know it unless they choose to see