The tear-stained paper

by Amanda   Nov 14, 2005


On the tear stained paper
was a story no one would read,
a story so depressing
a story no one believed

a girl would come home each night,
and write just one page
she wrote abou her day
she wrote about her life

She wrote about her friends,
that didnt seem to care
she wrote about all her broken hearts
that didnt seem fair

She wrote about all the cuts,
the cuts she gave herself each night
she wrote about her family,
that seemed to always fight

This girl marked each page
she marked it with a single tear
each tear represented one thought,
each tear represented one fear

**hey i would apretiate it if you comented/vote on it!! and ya it isnt that good i was just haveing a really bad day and wanted to write it down... expecially the end so if you have any suggestions plz tell me! thanx**

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by holly

    I think this is a fantastic poem it flows really well and like you a tend to wrie when i have had a bad day but that really gives the poem alot of emotion and i can really see that here well done xxALLYxx

  • 18 years ago

    by Megadrive

    Ooooo I love it! I can totally relate to it. The only Critiquing I have is instead of this

    On the tear stained paper
    was a story no one would read,
    a story so depressing
    a story no one believed

    Try using the commas to create a beat and all that fun stuff!

    On the tear stained paper,
    Was a story no one would read,
    A story so depressing,
    A story no one believed.

    And of course it makes it look prettier lol gives ur poem a sense of Rhythm which makes the reader get into it more, Also it can make some words stand out more, so yes commas and periods r very useful. I know I say use more Commas and Periods to like everyone but I really think it makes them poem... just that much nicer. Anyways good job!

  • 18 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    I liked it but you could make it better by ending it, how the girl ends up or what not..
    Its a good poem but It -could- be better well done anyways!

  • 18 years ago

    by Tragic Misery

    I like it I would give it a 5/5 the rhyming was good along with the flow, please rate anyone of my poems

  • 18 years ago

    by master of shadow

    This poem is very goood. it was so clear and expressive. the concept is really good too

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