Just wanna be happy

I sit and wonder what i have done so wrong to deserve all of this...
i wonder why cant i be the happy girl i used to..
my life is destroyed because i have nothing...
i sit and wonder if someone will ever come home one day and find me dead in my floor just because I\'m lost in my own body
all the things i lived for have drifted away...
all that i loved is gone
why is it that all i think about is killing myself?
why is it that only drugs and cutting helps me be happy!
i wonder if i really have the guts to end my life..
to be out of this world forever?
i wonder if i could ever be happy again...
i just wanna feel, feel anything at all
I\'m tired of being numb less to the world
it hurts to think that i have to keep cutting and cutting just feel even the little bit of anything...
will it ever be over? will i ever feel again?

Kay this is horrible..i know that but this is the first poem i have ever ever written...so what else do you expect but for it to be bad? but really this is how i feel..i just wanna be happy? is that too much to ask for!!