Wanderer seeketh light

Something hidden,
something lost,
why does it feel like I'm always searching?
life is a bunch of would-be's and should've's,
and I've always been the doubter.
i disbelieve.
despite the supposed persistent evidence.
i can't conceive this required energy that it takes for me to live life out of exile,
such a existence would be heaven for me.

what was never mine has always teased me,
jumped in my path at just the right moment.
be it the game player,
that puppeteer,
that pulls the strings of my mind?
be it He that makes me weak with defeat for the largest part of my life?

who takes credit of keeping me stagnant,
must i contemplate also the reasons why?
i feel like I've given all i can give,
only to be shut down.
failure has left a mingled stench of apathy on the road ahead of me.

i try to come up with the right expressions of hate,
but it seems like so many other writers....
have used those worn out lines.
so I'll say it simple.......
I'm in need of a savior show me the promise in my life.