A State Away

by Carmen   Apr 20, 2006


The night was amazing,
As the stars bled through,
A normally dark and lonely night,
The young couple sparked it anew.
He held her close,
She clutched his hand,
For this was their last night,
Their love to be damned.

He went home the next day,
And e-mailed the girl he left,
For his heart was taken,
Long gone, a theft.

She returned to her home later,
Greeted by those same stars,
The ones that left her alone,
With deep unfixable scars.

He went to school,
Missing the girl that wasn't there,
Wondering why she wasn't near,
Why life was so unfair.

They had lived a state away,
And only knew each other for a day,
But something had sparked between them,
A feeling likely to stay.

Miles and miles separated them,
But this love not burning out;
Although they're a stay away,
Only they could know what this feeling is about.

~Yes, this poem is based on a very true story of one amazing night on the cruise I took Spring Break '06.~

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Starburst Juicy

    I loved this poem and I can realtat to it alot!
    p.s I have a new poem I just posted can you please read and vote on it ??

  • 17 years ago

    by Jessica

    Aww.. dat was very good! but also kinda sad.. itz hard but you guys could still have a long distance relationship :) hehe.. keep up the good work!
    jessy

  • 18 years ago

    by SCARECROW

    My apologies if my perspective on this seems askew, yet I have more of a fancy for the dark poems thus.......

    the stars bled through

    I must say that line toughed a nerve. Very well executed. Pure imagery in just a four words. Again, masterfully done.

  • 18 years ago

    by Sarah Ann

    Aww wow, what an amazingly sad yet romantic and wonderful poem. I loved the storyline across it, and the ideas you put into it. There were times where I felt sad, and times where I felt hopeful. I like poems that can alter my moods. I consider that real talent. Keep up your good work! 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Lu

    I can feel the mixed emotions of happiness and sadness within this poem .Such happiness to have met yet so much sadness to depart . I am loving the picture this piece paints , it is so vividly clear like I am standing right there watching it unfold .
    Wonderfully written with much emotion !

    A few minor things ........

    I think you were writing in 4 line stanzas so you will need to separate the first two ....if that is the style you were going for...

    Also in this stanza :

    She returned to her home later,
    Greeted by those stars,
    The ones that left her alone,
    With deep and unfixable scars.
    ^^^
    I would omit the and in the last line it seems to break the flow and appears to look like just a filler word.

    Just some suggestions , but overall the poem is very touching and filled with emotion .

    Take care , I am looking forward to reading more soon......

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