My lust for food

Look me up and down and judge me,
I can pretend this is how I want to be.
Fuel my urge to starve myself again
I don't care about all the pain

Feel the emptiness inside,
But lust after the food I need
Binge eat till I feel ready to explode
Throw it up, falling to my knees.

Feel happy with what I can achieve
Don't I look good now on the bathroom floor
As my whole body pulls when I heave
I sit back, pleased, against the door

With sick in my hair and on my hands
weak from my actions but feeling triumphant
Smiling so pathetically because this makes me happy
I just want this body to look like me