Facing the fear again

In this silence there are so many questions,
As are there answers but too inaudible,
This is my solace nowadays, a kind of protection,
Against all my apprehensions, that seems for this moment too plausible.

Feel like I have said everything, felt everything,
Nothing left to see, I know it all,
Despite everything I feel so empty,
I feel I know you or maybe just a mirage in which I enthrall.

Right now it feels so distant, so impossible,
Too tedious to pursue, too painful to bear,
You are a face deep in the mist of tomorrow; your love makes me shrivel,
Beneath your giant stature, I feel so small, I stand nowhere.

For what I felt and believed starts shaking once you turn your back,
I feel being caught in my own fantasy, just so savoring my today,
Confronted with my fears again, being tested to the core, I am taken aback,
All that I garnered, cultivated with a faith, is all that going away.

This is what I thought might come my way,
And I promised less misery to myself this time,
Then why I feel it seeps right down to my heart again,
And make me shrink in the pain of its presence deep in there.

Just Let it be, feel the silence surrounding me,
That's what I need to do, just find my solace in its arms,
Witness its arrival, and be silent, deeply silent, just praying,
Being in faith fully, not fretting for any answers, not having any qualms.