Indifference (To The World).

This poem takes me back to the days when I lived back in the UK and my sister, who would rather sit and chat online or play on her PS2 than come out and with the rest of us for a walk.

Poems like this can ramble on for ever, but yours says everythign it needs to without making it sound contrived. Short, concise and to the point. I like it.

Diction is good and crisp but I feel you could have pushed yourself a little in this department. I do like the way (in the first stanza) you let us forgot about how things came to be and that we should just admire it for what it is.

Flow is even and not that clunky. A rhyme scheme is unimportant to the flow here and this one of the few poems I have enjoyed that lacks one.

Overall I think this a very well constructed and thought out poem, but the best thing is that it feels like this came to you in one go and you didn't have to spend hours tweaking it.

Bret

Good use of imagery vocab, really painted a beautiful picture even though it is unseen.
I do agree nature is ignored and not appreciated enough; it's sad.
I only have two slight problems with this. I read the poem a few times and each time stumbled over "onto unseen" on the second line of the third stanza.
Also the final too lines I'm not keen on. Maybe they could be expanded on or reworded, but as they are in my opinion they just don't fit in properly with the rest of the poem.
Thanks for sharing.

Interesting poem, though I don't feel like it's relating to the title much except the last part.

I Like Your Writing Style Its Diffrent And I Sincerly Admire It *No Lie* "Raindrops trickle, but go unnoticed
Falling softly onto unseen lands
Where perfection remains intact
And beauty still persists" Every Stanza Reaks With Beauty *Smooches* Brilliantly Beautiful 5/5
xxo-Nikk

Jeeze, this reminds me of so so many people that I know. I can relate to this and you've used some simple but beautiful words I think anyoner who appreciates this world can relate to.

My only suggestion would be to turn those last two words into another stanza, as I think they'd impact better for it. But that's just my opinion, like.

This is just the kind of thing I was hoping someone would link me to, in the forum. Lovely stuff. :-)