My Own, Lonely Shame

A memory of happiness fades in my eyes
I feel so dead in the hope that nothingness is near
I fall to the ground, pushed by the lies
Beneath the blood, this memory starts to clear

Memories of tears, of hatred, of emptiness
Another time of putrid forgetting
Lost in the words that appeared to be loneliness
The undoing of hatred's netting

Words thrown against my ear
Screams penetrating my mind of thoughts
The words of purgatory and sexism begin to sear
All this begins to haunt

You are the weakness that begins with me
Another hope that fails to be realised
A smile trying to break free
More pain to be disguised

All these hopes that break the inner thoughts of a selfish crime
Mother of god, Saviour of life
Grant me this last ending of time
And let me free to wards this out stretched knife

A problem manifesting itself in my mind
Sharp intake of breath, I DON'T UNDERSTAND
It seems my last bell has chimed
Why couldn't anyone reach out they're hand?

I won't let the tears build up anymore
I'll cry and cry till I fall
Don't try and find me, I've already hit the floor
Screams in the darkened hall

Linking this depression to the ways of the heart
Everyone is screaming at me, YOU HAVE NO REASON TO CRY
All the times I was let down, this hope is tearing me apart
Why can't people just accept the happy lie?

Summer's heat blows past me
I can't feel the sun anymore, I'm past that
I just wish for this blood to rain free
And this depression to no longer distract

The problem is blooming past the person I use to be
No one is listening anymore, no one gives a damn
I can no longer smile, no longer be happy
And no one will understand

Slap into reality
Just because you couldn't understand my pain
Don't try and force your morality
THIS IS MY OWN, LONELY SHAME