Cut in the bathroom

I take my knife
i place it on the bathroom counter
i start the shower running hot
i cut and watch the blood flow with the water
i cry and watch the blood go down the drain
with so many thoughts running through my head
i feel the pain as i drying off
i slip a clean pair of cloth on
i write things on the mirror in the steamed up mirror
i wipe it away and brush my hair and act like my world is so fine.
but in my fake smile I'm torn by pain
wanting nothing more but happiness for my friends and for them to be safe
the pain drives me to anger and sadness
the world i live cant be real can it?