In Beat
by Midnight Sun Oct 3, 2006
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His fiery eyes explored the night sky as a cold breeze, in rhythm with my broken dance, pierced his every sacred secret. Embracing the vast icy pool melting in my coffee. |
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Latest Comments
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17 years ago
by *Charisma*
Okay...hmm..i liked your descriptions but it doesn't sound like a poem at all, more like a part to a story. I don't think the coffee part fit in with your first line. I think if anything you should do it like an adventure poem because this man sounds inspiring, fearful, and adventurous. Hope this helps! Jpoet*
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17 years ago
It's interesting.
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17 years ago
I like this but it is so short it's almost like a quote. It is beautiful though. lol...thank you for the comments and I needed sugg. for the beginning...I think it needs something...not sure what though. (^_^)
Anyway I liked this but try to add more to it...you have talent.
5.5
Breanna
