A wish for pain

A near death experiance,
happened to me...
but how can I still be living?
how can this be!?
I took the blade,
of what should have ended my life...
I slit my wrists,
many times that night...
blood was gushing from my wounds...
the blissful sounds...
of deathening tunes...
I felt as if,
I could not care...
death was bringing me...
into the devils lair...
sitting in a puddle of blood...
I drifted off slowly...
as I thought I would...
I saw a bright light...
which led me back home...
how could this happen!!?
my fate had been written in stone!!
I wanted to feel,
the pain again,
to make it all,
become real!
but I'm still here...
I'm still alive...
I guess I'll have to try,
one last time...