Dear Diary

Today I woke up sweating,
Not remembering my dream.
It's like this everyday,
Not knowing what it means.
There's something in my mind
That wants to hide from me.
I can't fish that thing out.
What could it possibly be?

Then I took my shower,
Feeling ever the oddest.
Still I tried to recall
My dream, I tried my best.
Having finished with no such luck,
I wore my outing clothes.
The funniest thing really,
I didn't know where to go.

I ended up just staying,
Cooped up inside my room.
I maxed my MP3,
Bobbing my head to every boom.
Then I lay completely still,
Staring at the writings on my wall.
The thoughts began to spread.
Not a good sign at all.

I gave notice to the music,
From hardcore it quickly softened.
No wonder I'm suddenly thinking,
I'm listening to Boyz II Men!
I stopped all the tracks,
Then went down the stairs.
I saw my annoyance,
But pretended not to care.

It was late already,
I missed the first meal.
I'd wait till the next one,
It's not a big deal.
I heard the annoyance again,
The flirtatious giggling.
I wasn't showing it at all,
But my blood was already boiling.

I returned to my room,
After a few glasses of water.
With my MP3 I left the house,
To avoid that taunting laughter.
I stuck to Linkin Park,
It helps control my anger.
I laugh to myself realizing,
I'm emotional dressed all gangster.

I walk around the subdivision,
Screams sound off in my ears.
This is the way I've always been,
I haven't changed in a year.
I guess I like the solitude,
It gives me time to reflect.
I do want to change it, though,
I'm tired of feeling like Shrek.

I went through Korn and S.O.A.D.,
Before I went back home.
The annoyance was still there,
And again I was alone.
Odd how time passed by,
It's already almost dinner.
I locked my bedroom door,
And listened to Pinoy singers.

No matter how hard I try,
Thoughts are impossible to avoid.
This time around I didn't fight it,
I was very much annoyed!
I was feeling kind of heated,
So I chased it off with rap.
I exercised my problems off,
Listening to Twista's tracks.

But now I couldn't help myself,
The thoughts flowed like a river.
I was shaking with primal anger,
Light-headed like I had a fever.
I decided to play some Silverstein,
And scream this pain away.
If it wasn't for the music,
The annoyance wouldn't be here today.

I knew that everyone heard me,
My walls and door aren't soundproof.
Again they'd realize my anger,
Skyrocketing through the roof.
I turned my MP3 off,
And turned to the stereo.
I put my loudest Cd's in,
Like a fool, screamed along to "Cigaro".

It was ten at night already;
Another event-less day passed.
I know even through the night,
This madness would always last.
My muscles tense and stiff,
I through myself on the bed.
The music loudly continued,
Paranoia claiming my head.

I wanted them to hear me;
To notice I'm still alive.
That somehow, someway they'd see,
How dead I feel inside.
This loneliness is overwhelming,
My shadow my only friend.
With annoyances around the house,
When will the blood-boiling end?

I then took out my journal,
Wrote down what came to mind.
It's amazing what loneliness does,
Brings out the poet when confined.
I leave this off to sleep,
Whatever nightmare makes it's way.
I'm tired again, I don't want to think,
Of my ignored plea for help today.