Maybe

Almost in tears I think about life
And feel the pain it brings
It almost makes me dizzy
And brings me to my knees
Inside I'm torn and broken
Ripped all to shreds

I'm fed up with this life
And I tempt the knife
There is almost nothing stopping me
From doing what I've thought about
Except the thought of hurting them
The few who truly care

Some days start out great
But they end in disaster
It's like I'm a slave,
Pain is my master
I wear a mask to hide my pain
I put on a smile
And pour on the plaster

That grin permanently placed
The plaster makes my grin irreplaceable
But it doesn't rid the pain
Inside I try to deal with it
But my efforts fail

A feeling I so desperately need
A feeling of belonging
Is so far from grasp
It seems impossible to reach
Each day brings more tempt
I don't consider myself worth much
I feel I belong with the fleas
Maybe they would accept me into their colonies

As far as I know it only gets worse
And I have no clue what to say
When people ask whats wrong
I say nothing and push them away

Everyday I sit alone
Thinking to myself
What's it like to be happy
Will I ever know?
At the rate I'm going
It seems I never will

It's like a porcupine
Keeps stabbing me with quills
Some nights I sit and think
Other I cry
Yet some I fall asleep fast
To escape this reality
When I wake up
It goes back to the same thing
Same feelings and pain
Sleep is my release

I am a pained girl
Who stands alone in the rain
Wishing it would grab her
And take away her pain
If rain was a person
It would be my best friend
You wonder how i think so highly of a drop of water
But if you were me you would understand

Snapping back to reality
From the dark night
I wonder how this happened
How no one saw me fall
I fell in plain sight
The warnings were clear
I showed many things
But no one noticed like i feared
If someone would have caught me
Sooner than now
Maybe I could have been helped
But I fear I am too far gone

Maybe leaving would solve something
But I decided I wont give in
To the tempt of the knife
For all those who care
I would hurt them if I gave in
So I will fight it
To help them help me win

This fight is long and hard
And I feel like I will fail
Maybe I will
Or maybe i will prevail
I guess I wont know
Until I reach the end

If this goes on much longer
I don't know if I can take it
Sometimes I feel strong
But those times are rare
Most times I feel so small
And unaware

Life gives me a scare
Everyday, every hour
Every minute
Even every second
It's like I am holding a rope
Hanging over a cliff
As time goes on I lose my grip
Each minute the more I slip
Before I know it I will let go
Falling falling
Into the ground below
Hitting with an awful crunch
Or maybe I will fall into nothingness
Be floating around
Being numb

Not knowing who I am or what I was
Some days it's like I start to reach the top
And somebody comes and starts to cut the rope
Tells me to stop or they will cut it all
So then I slide back down, risking a fall

I see myself in the mirror
And I want to make it shatter
Because what I see
Just can't be me
I see a messed up thing
My reflection in the mirror
How could anyone look this way
There is nothing to make me better

I feel like I am sitting
In sticky peanut butter
Trapped like a fly in a fly trap
Waiting for my death
I guess it doesn't come that easy
I have to suffer first
I wish the pain was over
But I guess it wont leave

There has to be an answer
A solution to this pain
Maybe there is something to numb the pain
Maybe that something is something near
Maybe a friend can help to numb the pain

My life is a struggle
Between life and death
Maybe I will win
Maybe I will lose