Falling on Myself

I stand here on the edge,
feeling unwanted, left out;
I hold the tears back, will not cry,
they make fun of me when I pout.
So the world is falling apart,
separating between my legs;
An earthquake split between me;
now I sit here, to God I beg.
On one side are my "friends"
smiling happily with their boys,
but the other side, that I'm falling to,
is a lonely world without joys.
So I beg God to reach down, to help,
to pull me up to him
so I wouldn't have to put up with this
or cry in front of them.
I pause to wonder what it is
that hurts the most in me;
I think it's my heart so full of pain
which is locked and I lost the key.
It hurts when I try to talk to them,
then something minor comes up and they turn.
If I cry to them, they don't understand
they won't try to imagine the burn.
I don't have anything in my life right now,
nothing ever turns out right...
I can't brag about anything great back to them,
I don't have any gossip from last night.
It's not just my friends that hurt me,
it's family and people I don't know.
I try to hide my pain within,
but somehow it always shows.
So now I needed to find a way
to rid my life of all the stains.
I hate those tears I cry at night,
resulting from months of pain.
Then about a week ago
I got an idea to change the stars;
I hurt myself, scratched up my arm,
now I'll always wear the scars.
So my friends, if they had no plans, they came;
tried to act like they actually cared.
Only one really tried to stop it, she loved me,
and I know she was honestly scared.
I promised her I'd never do it again,
but today it hurt so much.
I know it's stupid but it let's me not cry
silly how that can be done by one touch.
How could something so wrong feel so good
that I could time and again hurt myself?
I bleed then I smile and continue my day.
I can't stop, though it hurts my health.
and I don't eat, my body wont allow sleep,
too much on my mind while my heart waits to die.
I know deep down how torturous this is,
so I keep going and still I try.
And still I beg God to hurry, pull me up,
and help me cope with the pain.
Right now all I know is I have myself,
desperately trying to stay sane.
I know when the earthquake splits the land,
I shall fall which way I lean.
the side by my friends is better by far,
even if friends can sometimes be mean.
They are my friends but when I fall
I can always catch me by myself.
I am strong and can make it, smiles come back,
but that's after I catch me from falling on myself.