Puzzled Words

by Veamm   Jul 18, 2007


Puzzled Words

I'm suffocated with this replayed life
on the same routine, it blinds my mind
it makes me dull, like a puppets soak in lime
doing same things, saying truth to lies

I'd like to swallow reality, drink the pain
to be free, play with hate and shame
being content with obnoxious dreams
scared with joy, dying in light beams

in preview tables turning around
felt loneliness, I'm being proud
crying, staring onto nothing
giving myself a favor of believing

I'm still praying, Help me Lord
give me faith, hope or any word
happiness is bringing me down
I kneel, can you help my frown

so I count my blessing, one or two
I run away with broken shoe
dreams got rotten from the start
I'm here alone, sitting in the dark

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Tammie

    I can definately see the improvement from your old poems to your new.
    The rhyming and some lines in this seemed like you just added them in there because they kind of fitted, but they rhymed. That is the only thing that was wrong, everything else was perfect.
    The flow was great, the vocab well suited and the concept great. I loved the first two lines, I think everyone can relate, I know I can. Life gets so repetitive sometimes.
    An excellent job, I really enjoyed reading this one. :] 5/5

    Tammie

  • 16 years ago

    by Jennifer RIP Lesthat Hayden

    It seemed a little broken to me. The rhyming was off which made it flow awkwardly. Some of the rhymes you used seemed like you just couldn't think of anything else to rhyme it with so you just made it work. Which you probably did, it happens to us all. 3.

  • 16 years ago

    by Michelle18

    Wow..this is amazing... i think this is my favorite one of your poems.. you did an excellent job. i love it.5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Loved In Hell

    I love this poem creativity and meaning were felt in it great job!!!5/5

    laura

  • 16 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    It was a good poem.. It flowed nicely.. Just a suggestion to improve this.. try to use (.) =)

    I'm still praying, Help me Lord,
    ^^I'm still praying, "Help me lord."

    I really like your opening line.. It really grabs the readers attention.

    TC.

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