Empty Handed

by Kaila   Nov 11, 2007


This place is too familiar,
too many feelings bottled up inside,
looking into the mirror,
I want to shrivel up and hide.

Starring at my reflection,
a tear slides down my face,
gripping my fists tightly,
I run to get out of this place.

I run as fast as I can,
far away from here,
too many things I need to forget,
but my mind is still unclear.

Thinking about the way I look,
I manage to run faster than before,
trying to find an explanation,
I run down to the quite shore.

I slip off my dirty Converse,
run my feet through the sand,
wishing someone was here with me,
just to hold onto my hand.

I know they'll never show,
Because of how I look,
so I stand here all alone,
with my hand untook.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Veamm

    Excellent

    For this one, I can feel the emptiness and sadness of every line, it was very well described and conveyed well too. It was simple and easy to understand.

    Keep it up!
    Veamm

  • 16 years ago

    by Normal is the Watchword

    I don't know why you have Converse written in here instead of saying shoes, I mean yes it was a nice different word but sweetie unless you're in advertising, I don't think it's really needed ;)

    First, your poem was really decent for somebody who probably has just started writing, it was short, and not awkward except maybe for the converse, but I am going to offer you a suggestion that will help take your writing to the next level, if you choose to take it.

    IMagine poetry as though it was a song. Most songs, must tell a story, and doesn't poetry tell something among the words? First, with a song, as with a poem, you set the stage, take for example Kelly Clarkson's , "Because of you. She first explains how she feels with the lines, "Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk, because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt, because of you I FIND IT HARD TO TRUST NOT ONLY ME BUT EVERYONE AROUND ME, because of you I am afraid." Notice the part I put all in caps. This one line is later explained why she finds it hard to trust in the following lines, "I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me." She explains how having to be there for people too much too young has altered her way of trusting everyone.

    Now take Evanescence and their song, "My Imortal." Singer Amy Lee starts her story in a way with, "If you would just leave, I wish that you would just leave, cuz YOUR PRESENCE STILL LINGERS HERE, and it won't leave me alone." Now exactly why does this unknown presence linger? Because she follows it up with, "When you'd cry, I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears, I held your hand through all of these years, but you still have, all of me."

    What I am trying to say is that with each art, song or poem, or even story, you have to not just explain one side of it. Why is this person left the way she is. Why is she running to the shore. What has made her who she is and shaped these events to happen? Hope you understand.

  • 16 years ago

    by Alexandra Jade Brewer

    Wow... that was amazing, the beginning of the poem really captivates her frantic heart. You can tell she's lost, she needs someone, and that really draws a reader in. You have so much talent. I can't tell you that enough. Every poem sends shivers, tears, or joy through me.

  • 16 years ago

    by TracyM

    Now this piece, I love, the structure, the word choice, the flow, its all good, really was hooked the first couple lines, beautifully written, well done.

  • 16 years ago

    by Christina

    Awwz what a sad poem!! :'-(
    but it was nicely done!!!
    it was short but full of emotion..keep up the great work!!

    <3 i love you silly