Sound Effects and Overdramatics

Hey, you asked me to comment this a while ago, sorry about the late reply.

Anyway i think this is quite good, structured in a way ive never seen before and i think it was quite effective, good job.

"Efface surface of troublesome blizzards,
(effects for emotions cause volcanic eruptions)"

^^ I absolutely love this opening, you manage to portray so much emotion and depth coupled with incredibly imagery in these starting lines that I'm instantly hooked and can't wait to continue with the piece.

The brackets in the second line add for a powerful effect.

"volume's beating inside the hive
while the telegraphs deliver fresh, catastrophic notes."

^^ Now this..THIS is beautiful. I find these two lines to be filled with so much melancholy yet simutaneously beautifully written, filled with so much beauty and grace.

"oh
the sun
is spilling
dark
dark
illusions...
the world's
crumbling."

^^ This is my favouriote part to this piece. So incredibly intense and hard hitting and filled with so much meaning and depth that at times it's almost overwhelming for the reader. I adore this stanza.

"Excuses build a church of molten lies that echo
between flashing car crashes inside the mind;"

^^Ooohhhh the imagery! I frikken love the imagery in these two lines, it creates such stunning and striking visuals in my mind.

"imagination's infected with deathly shimmers
so I promise I won't force it this time-"

^^ I'm not to sure about the last line here. I find the rest of this piece to be incredibly strong and intense but for some reason the last line seems to be a little weaker for me.

"oh,
the moon
is bleeding
scarlet,
scarlet
tears...
the world's
sleeping. "

^^ What a BEAUTIFUL closing stanza here! This is just fantastic, such a stunning and hard hitting ending that it is certainly something that will stay with the reader for a while.

I love this piece. The imagery is fantastic, your flow is flawless, absolutely impeccable, the words just fall right of my tongue and the depth and emotion you placed in this piece is outstanding.

You outdid yourself with this piece, be proud!

Wow. I loved how you use the universes 'creations' [sun,moon,volcaones,etc.] as descriptions. This poem was amazing, probably one of my favorites of the day. xD
The flow was great, the meaning was amazing, along with the vocabulary [onceagain].

Keep it up, darling.
5/5

Wow! enough said

I loved this poem. It struck me in a certain way. I fell that way sometimes. Excellent word choice. I loved it.

5/5. Nice work.