Safe Standing Still

by IdTakeABulletForYou   Jan 20, 2008


Are you just another fortress
preparing to be attacked?
Will I be in any danger?
Will I get caught up in that?

Will you be my shield in battle
so that I will not get hurt
or should I run so far away
aware I never can return?

Will you be my citadel
to keep me safe and warm
or am I damned to be attacked
and am I damned to lose this war?

Tell me, can I hide behind you?
Will you move to reveal me?
In this trick, am I in danger
or will there be cushioning?

Is this just another wish
for what I know cannot exist,
therefore making a trap for me
to drown within my misery?

Will you be my hideout?
Will you please keep me concealed?
If I put my trust in you,
when not enough, will more you steal?

I am scared to move from where I am,
...I feel Safe Standing Still
'cause when I moved the last time
I had been a hostage {to}, nearly killed {from}
[Love]

Prick my finger, draw a drop of blood,
and to you, do the same;
Watching as each drop of blood
falls down onto the page.

Surely it is usual
to have such doubts and fears.
{Wish I listened to my head
when it said: "Run from here."}

copyright 2008

One of many more poems to come.
I shall bear it all for this site.

My substitute for love:
words.

Thanks for reading,
please comment and/or vote honestly and accordingly.

~Stephen White

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by EssenceOfLace

    You see, this is why you are my favorite poet on this site.

    the questions asked in this poem are the doubts and fears everyone feel with love.

    it would be so much easier to justget the friggin answers!

    the last stanza is my favorite.

    if i had any constructive criticism id give it to you. but i dont. I SOWWY!!!
    5/5

    <3 always,
    The Devil

  • 16 years ago

    by ABake

    Okay, so here is my second try. Lol. Anyways, I really liked the title. It can be detailed and have many different stories behind it I am excited to see what yours will be...

    [Warning I comment as I read]
    Anyways, the first stanza was very alluring. I loved the questions because it gives the reader a sense of closeness with you. Weird sounding but true.

    Second stanza: Again, I like the questions.

    Will you be my shield in battle
    so that I will not get hurt

    I love those lines. Aww. Lol. They were beautiful and you use great metaphors. I am not sure if those are metaphors but yeah..Oh and one mistake you said aware I can never return. && for some reason it is not clicking in my head. It might just be me and if you read it once then it will not make a difference but since I write as I read its kinda different.
    [Not a big deall though]

    Third stanza: I love the first two lines. Lol. I think the comparisons you use are wonderful. That is the word I was looking for. This stanza really flows smoothly. The word damned almost adds a sarcastic tone to it as well...

    Tell me, can I hide behind you?
    Will you move to reveal me?

    These lines from the fourth stanza are beautiful. They are simple yet sentimental. In a wordy way. Hehe. And the rest of the stanza really flows smoothly. I love it.

    Fifth, I liked this stanza. I think that the rhyme is different than the others but it does not make a HUGE deal nor does it effect the overall peice. I liked it very much...

    If I put my trust in you,
    when not enough, will more you steal?

    Oh boy..I love those lines. They made me smile. The overall stanza was beautiful as well. It didn't stick out as much to me, but that is fine seeing as you don't just give up on reading the peice unless it really sucks...

    Okay, the next stanza was just beyond amazing. I normally use the brackets in my work and people told me it made no difference. You are my proof it makes a nuge difference in how someone[well atleast me] reads it. That stanza is my favorite. Geeze I love it...

    The last two stanzas were wonderful as well. Your thoughts are very scattered with this peice and I think that is shows put in a positive way. My work is like that. Nothing makes sense from one stanza to the next..Lol. Also the last lines were a great way to sum up the entire peice. I loved it.

    Oh yeah.. I just remembered something about the first stanza. The first two lines. Okay, so I am a person of long lines and for me the first two lines would of sounded better together line in one line but your poem has short lines. So just a little detail that no one else would probably notice. Geeze. Here goes my second try. Overall, a great peice. I loved it. 5.5

    Amber :]]

  • 16 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    An amazing poem. i really liked it. and i like the way you worded all of it. the flow was up and down but still great nonetheless. you really captured the feeling of wonderment. [hmm. is that a word. .] but anyway. the last stanza fit really well. and 'twas my favorite lines of the poem! :] great write. 5/5.

  • 16 years ago

    by Hollywood

    THAT IS REALLY GOOOOOOD 5/5