Great wording,,great imagery but very sad poem but greatly written and I hope u do not feel this way,,cuz it is very sad,,,if so just think I've heard once,,the only way up is down,,do take care,,great poem 5/5 always
I feel such sadness in your words; these impatient, desperate convictions that has recently escorted every piece of yours. I feel that hunger that I myself have, deep within. Loved your piece and relate to it totally. I know that it is frustrating, but I also know that you are a strong woman who will fight, struggle and have motivation back, especially when she realises that her strength inspires hundreds or perhaps thousands of people.
I have become a big fan of your poetry, of the way you weave your words with magic, the way you drum with my heart strings everytime you write something new. I have become addicted to your work.
'You left me behind
like I was winter's breeze
and you were the summertime
heat keeping warm
I just guess that an 'as if' would've worked better than 'like'? It felt to me off the way it was put there. I don't know what made me dislike the way you made this stanza flow. I have re-written it and will show you it but if you like it this way then never mind me babbling:
'You left me behind
as if I were a Winter, breezing
and you were summertime
heat; keeping warm
- - -
That would be my only critique here. I loved the falling part and the ending was just awesome! I apologise I am not going to talk much here since I am on my phone and my fingernails are bugging me while writing lol I just wanted to say that I love you & your work!
Firstly, thank you for your comment on my poem, hope you all the best with what you are going through :)
I have to agree with Jenni. Upon reading the title, my first thought was that this would be about someone leaving you, instead of 'something'. However, that was not the case and this is rather unique and new to me. Motivation is becoming harder to find these days, and a lack of motivation makes us uninspired and as writers, that's one of the worst things that could happen. Still, writing about that is so refreshing and inspiring.
I enjoyed the simile with winter's breeze; I just love Winter in poetry. And the connection and metaphor with summertime was just lovely.
The ending was unexpected for me. It was so well-written and heart-breaking for me. I know you might not mean it literally here, but I can relate to it somehow. Having an unstable life; moving from one place to another in just a few months without having connected with the place is depressing. Well, sorry for rambling, but I just love this piece and how it is so relatable. How it is open for interpretation whether literally, figuratively or metaphorically was just amazing. Keep writing!