I haven't been commenting that much these days, but I really had to comment here..
"You stitched words and paved
lines with your silence."
Amazing opening, seriously. I love it. I was confused first what you meant, that the person embraced silence or words. Quite poetic. Amazing again.
"How can I walk through
without you when you were the
strength wrapped around my
being and the reason that
kept my steps going forward."
I kind of first thought you'd write "string" not "strength", since you used stitches with words and silence. I still like strength though :)
Okay, I really love this poem I think I'll add it to my favorites. Believe me, I've tried to write about silence and words a hundred times until I thought my writings has become trite, but I think you wrote this for me, to me, you name it. Thank you.
It's funny how writers almost all the time have a love-hate relationship with words. A paradox that always stunned me.
P.S Forgive me to ask what a Chained Tanka is? I'm ignorant here :/
I too wouldn't have noticed this was a chained tanka when reading, the poem has a lovely flow.
"and hugged me
with million questions, then left"
^I really like this, I've had that feeling before of a hug that felt wrong and so right at the same time. It's almost as though you feel wrong leaving because things aren't answered, you don't know where you stand or what's happening and it's actually quite emotional.
Just a small little thing, perhaps you could add a full stop at the end of the entire poem. I noticed you used punctuation throughout and also ended the 1st and 2nd stanza like that so I think you maybe just forgot it?
6 years ago
I love that you did a chain tanka and it didn't even seem like it. Typically you feel a bit "off" when reading chained forms because it doesn't always work, but this definitely did.
This poem is absolutely beautiful, and it made me feel quite a bit of different, mixed emotions. I love the first stanza and how absolutely strong it is here. Then going throughout the poem all the questions you have, rhetorical or expectant - either way it makes for gorgeous, heart wrenching questions/poetry.
The only thing I suggest is eliminating two of your fulls stops.. it seemed a little odd and I had to go back and read again in the way you intended...
1. with million questions. Then left
2. being. And the reason that
just those two spots, I would eliminate 1 with a comma and the second you could take the period out and un-capitalize and, and it would work great. Just a few little technical things my brain stumbled over :)