If you could see the woods behind me
tall, quiet and yellow,
whimpering in lonesome,
abandoned with a farewell kiss.
You then would not blame me for this,
but instead you'd throw the blame
on the sun for not shining,
the birds for being hushed,
... the humankind for the art of lying.
If you could last one, bare feet, minute,
above the cutting cold that lays underneath-
you might understand how it feels.
To not remember that you're here,
to lose the path of how to breathe
just lay half hollow, half dead,
would you simply rest in peace?
What if defeat was this close-
that much near.
Would you call it surrender,
or call it fear?
Is there a difference,
is it not the same;
giving in, and giving up..
Don't you think it's just the name?
Perhaps if you could,
you would be a tiny bit understanding,
you'd see how storms may come
on a clear summer night,
and how terror could grow
on spring colorful trees .
How a gentle breeze, could suddenly
whistle you off down a hill.
It actually happens,
in fact it might
and possibly will.
A heart wrenching breathtaking masterpiece is what this is. From beginning to end you can feel the pain, and heart ache. The word choice is amazing, I just love the first opening line about the woods and I like how there is sporadic rhyming, I'm one of those that it either has to all rhyme or not rhyme at all, but this just flows so naturally and made for a wonderful read. Well done (10)
There was such a solemn tone here, that was easy to be taken into. The poet's use of imagery brought my heart into this piece and made me not just feel, but see and hear the sound of loneliness and what makes a goodbye so sad. I think woods are always beautiful even though they may have secrets in them or some type of mystery, and you bring the soul of these woods to life- there is also some bitterness here especially when the poet is talking about how this person blamed all their surroundings. It also makes me think this person has no will to continue and all you want is for them to have not surrendered. Heartfelt poem.