William left me speechless this week, with this amazing piece of poetry! I was blown away by the mesmerizing comparison of wine and water and the metaphors were excellent! I tied this piece into political views, spiritual views and the basic concept of simple versus extravagant... I cant say enough with this poem... just dazzling!!
A consistent rhyme throughout this piece; it's not too often I read rhyme so this was a treat! I like how you take two seemingly common objects, water and wine, and personify them to show their virtues and even vices. The power and influence of wine alone is apparent in these stanzas. The only critique I have concerns the final lines. I feel the ending is too abrupt and does not conclude this conversation between water and wine, doesn't give enough "closure" so to speak. Maybe add another stanza of the departure of the wine and water? Or which one holds more honor since you have stated in the final lines that the water's purpose is different, seemingly more noble, to lift man up. Thoughtful piece! (4)
"Even though I think this poem needs some editing, (it's too long and some images are repeated), and I didn't like seeing the first letter of each line capitalized, (it's old school and somewhat distracting), I think it deserves to be highlighted, because the thought is terrific. Some repetitions worked well, maintaining the meaning you're trying to convey, but some of them were unnecessary and seemed forced to keep the poem rhyming. Anyway. What I got from this piece is that all that glitters is not gold and we usually ignore the precious gifts and beauty we're surrounded by, not knowing that they're the reason we're surviving, blinded by what's fake and temporarily pleasing. Loved it, and loved that you turned this into a conversation. Good job." - 4 points.