by Hannah Lizette   Nov 24, 2014

Templates of a soul
are scattered among the
remains of those before her.

The silhouette of a shadow
slowly traces her hairline,
goosebumps travel along
trembling porcelain skin

(although, this isn't her first
sacrificial crucifixion.)

Kneeling, she chants -

blood clots through her veins
as she clutches her throat,
black fog forces its way down
her windpipes while she
chokes out the final words
of the conjuration.


The vessel falls limp
for a second until glazed
eyes glisten in the fire;
a wrathful cackle croaks,

"The mantel of Hell will
be decorated with their
splintered spines!"

*club challenge

Copyright 2014: Hannah K.


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Latest Comments

  • 3 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    This week Hannah has visited the dark category and pulled off a very impressive write which is filled with her metaphors that truly capture such vivid imagery. This poem has the potential to give you nightmares after reading it, just like a horror film could do. The poem is put together well and the content is definitely unique.

  • 3 years ago

    by Rob

    Very good! Thanks for sharing!

  • 3 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Great job for the challenge Hannah, as usual, it is your wording that really manages to capture the reader's attention. How you do it so well, I will never know, but will always envy!!

    The opening of this poem is so vivid, the description of remains of bodies is very eerie, but at the same time it leaves the reader having to read on to find out more about the scene, and why these bodies are here, what happens next! You build suspense in the beginning which is a great start!

    You then go on to describe the detailed story, and the event taking place, I can imagine the terror and fear inside this character, knowing what is about to happen to her, after they have witnessed the remains of others before her, and yet unable to stop it. Terrifying thought!

    Your ending is also great, with the chanting, and then the end image of Hell have a mantle top, and the splintered spines being decorations on it! Wow - creepy and very Halloween lol. - you should have write this for the Halloween challenges lol!

    Anyway, great job. Your metaphors are always different and unique and you really are talented at putting lines together to acreage strong images!

    Good work girl!

  • 3 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    Oh My....I REALLY like this poem I really love your word choice and how you layed out the poem in particular. Beautifully dark and vivd :-)

  • 3 years ago

    by BlueJay

    I love the way you wrote this, I do remember the original piece as well, it is amazing the transformation this piece has undergone. It is wonderful seeing how you reworded ideas and reworked the scene ever so slightly. I am sorry that this piece did not win, though it is still absolutely wonderful.