during the summer, i am a juxtaposition of sweaty eyebrows and self-conscious armpits, secretly loving the sun yet confused at the way my skin absorbs warmth. sometimes i shy away for i am not used to showing so much of myself. but when it rains in the middle of May, i can suddenly breathe without hesitation. my anxiety pours itself a cup of tea and i exhale all the muggy parts of me. everyone around me dashes to their car, running from the sky, violently grabbing their umbrellas, but i welcome the chaos. the unpredictability of a sky that can finally be honest and unleash the emotions we never let soak us. i am sorrow mixed with relief. dreams that chant lullabies. and though you tell me time and time again how much you hate grey days that steal your sunlight, i cannot share the same distaste. when life demands that i always show up bright and cheery, the rain allows me to be vulnerable, allows me to breathe easy.
and it's only then when i am free from the bondage of heat. of repressive memories. of all that sought to suffocate me.