Imposed Insomnia

by S.T.A.R.   Mar 11, 2019

Within an hourglass,
blood was dripping as
time slipping.

The brass frame coiled
around your arm;
passed your tremors
through the thickened liquid
as pulses of fear gulped it down.
Your blue numb fingers
mirror exhaustion,
while you slowly
turn over your hand.

**For anyone reading this, if you would like to leave some constructive criticism I am happy to accept it.**


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Latest Comments

  • 2 months ago

    by Daniel

    ‘Blood was dripping, as time _____ slipping’

    The space is for ‘was’ or an adverb, or even a comma. I find the sentence incomplete, and a little awkward. As an image, it works.

    Your word choice in the second stanza is really impressive and detailed. I feel ‘mirror’ and ‘turn’ should be in the same tense though.

    Very evocative, and curious as always. You are a talent :)

    • 2 months ago

      by S.T.A.R.

      Oooh yes you are right mirror and turn should be the same tense. I know there is always something to fix, and I trully want people to point them out for me only then I can grow:)
      Thank you sooo much, I mean it!!

  • 2 months ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    This poem is set out to make the reader take it's own path. The way you give just enough for everyone to understand but in there way is really clever.
    Id like to heard your own explanation of this piece.

    For me sleep paralysis is what game to my mind. Time still gong with the blood spilling .

    I loved it.

  • 2 months ago

    by CJ Maleney

    In what seems like a world away I watched a mate, who had been injured laying in a bed.

    He had various drips being fed into him. This poem took me right back to that that time.

    I'm aware this was not your intention, but thats the brilliant thing about poems.

    No two people will read it the same and everyone will take something different away from it.

    In translation your initial meaning will perhaps be lost to many but the fact that someone can take something from it is pretty special.

    In whatever form that may be.


    • 2 months ago

      by S.T.A.R.

      And that is exactly why i like sharing poetry, it is intresting to know how far a reader sails with interpretation.
      Thank you for the amazing comment!!

    • 2 months ago

      by BOB GALLO

      Yes she is a contender.
      But please try not to spoil her.

    • 2 months ago

      by S.T.A.R.

      Thank you Bob for the praise. :)

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