Neverland's Youth

by Kaylee   Aug 22, 2006


Alone with shattered heartbeats
in solitude of Neverland's pulse
straw bent circular, wooden bed
lay smooth double Robin eggs

Sister moon quiet envied them
tears trickled within starry night
Mother Nature soothed them silent
youth speckled in Tinkerbell dust

Alone with shattered heartbeats
Father Time wept in salted tears
timber whispered, whispered soft
in solitude of Neverland's pulse

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by mnemosyne

    Mm. Charming piece! The flow for me was rocky at a few points, but that is just my interpretation. The message and vocabulary was great. Awesome job!

  • 11 years ago

    by Bret Higgins

    Very, very interesting.

    The only thing I would change is

    Father Time wept in salted tears

    to

    Father Time wept salted tears

    the 'in' feels like it's only there for syllable's sake and it's not that flowy with it included.

    Very clever writing and ditction.

    Bret

  • 12 years ago

    by Audrey

    Lovely poem, charming even. I do however have one piece of advice. The words were a bit stilted, the flow, while there seemed interupted.

  • 12 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    This has a very sombre feel to it in my opinion. As if nature is crying and somewhat depressed. I liked the imagery very much, it was well described. Honestly, I think shattered and heartbeats portray a slightly cliche idea, maybe it could me described better.
    Thanks for sharing!!

  • 12 years ago

    by Melissa

    This is beautiful, Kaylee! Love the creativity and continual flow, really awesome piece!