A Contradicting Life

Weird moods = Flipping amazing poetry.
This is going on my favourite poems list thing mabob.

"Innocence leaked away the moment we met.
My eyes are cold and aged, but I don't regret
I'm finger painting with my own crimson blood
Making cakes and pies with livid lies and mud"

The first line reeled me in. Your flow was great.
The uniqueness blew me away. It interested me, Unlike alot of the poems here.
Wow I want to say something that can help you..but you got it all covered.

Your word use, The way you phrase things..Everything screams natural poet.
Its in no way forced, Your the type of person who has this talent inside them.
And don't WANT to get it out, to show others how great they are..
You NEED to get it out.
And I can see this in your poems.

Well done.
<3

And I just realized, as I glanced through some of the other critques, mine doesn't seem to agree.
That's when you know it's opinion.
But, I hope it's okay I have my own. =].
xox.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex

"Innocence leaked away the moment we met."
^^^
[I <lovvvvve> this line. It's beautiful in every way, it's raw, it speaks, it's blunt... Beauuuuutiful!]
"My eyes are cold and aged, but I don't regret"
^^^
[What don't you regret? This line is very unclear and takes away a lot from the poem.]
"I'm finger painting with my own crimson blood
Making cakes and pies with livid lies and mud"
^^^
[Oh dear. This line. I dislike it.. I'm sorry, but I'm being honest. I really don't like it.
But, here's why:
--I loved the idea of finger painting with your blood, but that word "crimson" gets me everytime. It's real mood-killer because people have over used it so much. Don't. :].
--And then "making cakes and pies" I don't know why, but that really threw me off. I do like the idea of playing with your lies in the mud thing, though. I'm honestly not sure I feel about this entire stanza. =/.

"Making stains on my pillow from crying at night"
^^^
[Too cliche for me, I'm sorry to say..I know I say that a lot, but cliche just doesn't have any emotion anymore.. if that makes any sense. =/.]

"Eyeliner will run when my dreams start to ignite"
^^^
[Not too bad, but remember in the last comment what I said about "eyeliner" depersonalizing it? Same here. I like the idea of igniting dreams, though.]

"Tell me you love me, so I can drown in self-hate"
^^^
[I love this line. Why? To some it may not make sense, but to me, it does. Love hurts, and I've been through a lot with love. And in the end, before I found my now-boyfriend, my relationship before it sounds a lot like this line.]

"You're dangling the worm so I'll take the bait"
^^^
[Depersonalizing again. Here, it's the same reason (that not all people knows this, etc.) I hope that makes sense..]

"I'll drink your melodic lies, if they'll keep me alive"
^^^
["Melodic lies" is a little cliche, but it fits, espically with the rest of the sentence, which is Brilliant.]

"Until my life starts to brighten with golden rays
Then I'll have to tear it down with an insane craze"
^^^
I really dislike these last two lines. Which isn't good, because it was the ending of the poem.
I disliked it because "golden rays" can barely explain the sun
and
"insane craze" just doesn't tickle my fancy for wording.. At least for this poem.
Also.
Punctuation.
I noticed in these last three poems (though I forgot to mention it everytime until now) that you never have punctuation. Right there might be a reason you don't have perfect flow. While reading your piece, the reader has to figure out where to pause.. Put that pause in for them, eh? Just a suggestion, of course.
Anyways.
Overall, not bad, but definately not your best, Babe. I'm sorry.
xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 4.5

Great poem
I like it cause you explain well & i could piccchur it.
Keep it up!
=]

It set a hell of a mood that is very well done the images are great but I think you need abit more for some one to get the grander picture good job though