You look but do you truly see?

by Cotton Candy Clouds   Apr 17, 2008


You see him all the time in the commercials,
always holding himself in that same embrace.
It's that little kid staring you straight in the eye,
tears streaming down his precious little face.

Then the voice chimes in and says that only
ten cents could feed him for an entire week.
That seems like to much work to have to do.
With a second glance, he isn't that unique.

You see that same pitiful looking homeless guy,
you're on your way to spend a fortune at the mall.
He is sheltered by a tattered old broken down box
that looks like the next bit of wind will make it fall.

It crosses your mind to stop and give him a dollar,
but then you give it a second thought, you need every bit.
What if you find a sexy little top? and a matching skirt?
On second thought hopefully on his own he will be able to make it.

You see that "ugly" little girl at the hospital.
She has burns that over come every inch of her.
She has been mangled and distorted beyond belief.
You don't want to look at her, you wish she was a blur.

But I want you to put yourself in her daddy's shoes.
Imagine all the looks and glares you see her get.
Just tell me now, what in the world would you do?
Would you just trade her off? Would you just quit?

Maybe instead of being judgmental or so quick to just turn
our heads away and try to forget what you saw in their face,
we should just all stop a minute and give a little back.
You never know what it could do, it might be their saving grace.

Copyright © Composed Catastrophe All Rights Reserved

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  • 10 years ago

    by isabel

    You see him all the time in the commercials,
    always holding himself in that same embrace.
    It's that little kid staring you straight in the eye,
    tears streaming down his precious little face.

    The beginning is really sad yet it draws me in... (you seem to have a talent to draw the reader in right from the start... ;) )

    Then the voice chimes in and says that only
    ten cents could feed him for an entire week.
    That seems like to much work to have to do.
    With a second glance, he isn't that unique.

    This is really a sad thought... People are sometimes so egoistic... Yet... the ones who rise from a troubled life are a lot more corageous and infinitely good than the people that have too much money in their sweet little pockets...
    ("too" instead of "to"...)
    The flow seems to be a little bit off at the beginning of the stanza... You should be careful when dividing a sentence in two...

    You see that same pitiful looking homeless guy,
    you're on your way to spend a fortune at the mall.
    He is sheltered by a tattered old broken down box
    that looks like the next bit of wind will make it fall.

    Again... this really makes me think... When people spend fortunes buying things, they can also give a couple dollars to the people that need it...

    It crosses your mind to stop and give him a dollar,
    but then you give it a second thought, you need every bit.
    What if you find a sexy little top? and a matching skirt?
    On second thought hopefully on his own he will be able to make it.

    Now that is really a good example of the selfishness of people... You are really making me think on the stupid actions of our world...
    (maybe you ought to shorten up the last line... It is a bit long...)

    You see that "ugly" little girl at the hospital.
    She has burns that over come every inch of her.
    She has been mangled and distorted beyond belief.
    You don't want to look at her, you wish she was a blur.

    It is actually true that people will rather close their eyes and walk away than to help others...
    I find it really good how you write "ugly" with quotation marks (?) - not quite sure how the " " are called...
    I say this because it doesn't mean that girl is really ugly... She only had an accident, which could also happen to anyone... Also to the ones who like to buy everything at the mall...

    But I want you to put yourself in her daddy's shoes.
    Imagine all the looks and glares you see her get.
    Just tell me now, what in the world would you do?
    Would you just trade her off? Would you just quit?

    Another very well written stanza... It is also a very good way to see the question... What would anyone of us do if a loved one (son, daughter, brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, and so on...) had a dreadful accident and stopped "looking pretty"?

    Maybe instead of being judgmental or so quick to just turn
    our heads away and try to forget what you saw in their face,
    we should just all stop a minute and give a little back.
    You never know what it could do, it might be their saving grace.

    Again... You are absolutely and completely right... If everyone stopped being selfish, imagine how many people could be saved?
    (check out your first two lines here... the flow is a little bit off again due to your dividing of sentences...)

    Altogether:

    A very deep and true poem... I am astonished...

    Yet you ought to be careful when dividing sentences... It might mess up the flow a little bit... What I do not think it is so important compared to the importance of the poem's message...

    without any single doubt 5/5

    (added to my favs :) )

    *isabel*

  • 11 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    A very true message and it is also beautifully rendered! Your poem has a great flow to it.
    I love poems with a life's lesson in it:)

    Take care,
    5/5 Ingrid

  • 11 years ago

    by Jaimee

    Wow, this is so amazing I don't even know what to say.

    5/5

    Fantastic job!!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Im not broken anymore

    This is really good but really sad... Mainly because it really does happen.. So many people walk away when they can easily help even jut 50 cents could make a huge dfference with someone and everyones to greedy to share a little... great job

  • 11 years ago

    by Blah Blah Blahhhh

    I like thz one u r very talented.. .:)