You're Not What I Thought

I sit in our rocking chair, looking out into the night.
I barely hear you walk up to me and whisper in my ear,
"Baby, let's go to bed. I'll hold you in arms real tight."
Slowly I got up and got in bed, breathing you in deep, smelling your beer.

Somedays I don't know why I married you
Or why we're still together and not falling apart.
Yes, you do drink alot, that is very true
Maybe we're past all that, you broke my heart.

You're an angel when you're sober, a man of class
But when you're drinking, I'd better watch your eyes
I know that being safe is gone, the good feeling won't last.
You'll hit me and beat me and then tell me all of your lies.

I can't escape this feeling of sickness, this dread
You don't even know I'm expecting, I'll never tell
I'm scared to stay with you, expecting to wake up dead.
I'm running away tonight as my heart begins to swell.

I watch you sleeping as I slip out the door
Getting into the car, I feel my heart racing
I glance back up to our bedroom window and watch as you fall to the floor.
I run back up to you and find the scene entrancing.

I kneel beside your body and weep, you're gone
I sit beside you and I clutch your suicide note,
The room becomes lighter, letting in the dawn
My eyes become tear-filled as I read what you wrote:

"I'm sorry I drink so much, I knew you'd go.
I know you'll do what's best for you, just leave me...
I hope you know how much I loved you, even though it didn't show.
You're all I had left, you're all that I believed.

I'm not perfect, drinking screwed up my life.
I'm sorry that I hit you, take care of our baby.
You'll be a great mom, you were a great wife.
I leave this life of regrets, and go into a life of maybe..."