Lovely Little Butterflies

Lovely little butterflies in my stomach flutter,
I tried to say something sweet, but not a sound could I utter,
You inched to me a bit closer, watching me melt like butter,

^^ This issuch a cute way to start off.

You hold my hand, so carefully and gently,
Then look into my eyes, intently,
And say, I am sorry, I feel differently,

^^ I really love the rhyming in this stanza. And te last line is like the twist to it. I love it

What are you talking about, I say,
You say, I do not love you, not in any way,
I stumble and loose my footing in shock and dismay,

^^ I totally understand this one. It didn't happen to me, it happened to this girl I know. My girlfriend told her she didn't like her "in that way." But I was laughing, I know it sounds mean. But there's a long story behind it.

I start to cry,
I feel so alone and even shy,
And begin to ask why,

^^ The rhyming is great in this one as well. the flow is kind of off. But still it's excellent.

You say that, it was joke, nothing more,
I feel so violated, I fall to the floor,
The tears start to pour,

^^ I think the flow is a little off here. But I like th rhyming. And the message. The whole thing brings images to to mind.

How could you do this,
You bend down and give my forehead a kind kiss,
Get away from me, I hiss,

^^ I love the kiss on the forehead part. "Kind kiss" is my favorite wording.

I do not need you,
Look at what you already put me through,
You take your leave, I stare at your back until out of view,

^^ I don't really like the flow here, but it's good anyways

I stay where I am, and whimper,
I try to grasp what has just happened but it is all a blur,
All I know is that I do need him, being with him is what I would prefer

^^ This kind of trew me off. I'm not sure I quite understand it. More; I don't understand the last line.

He gives me lovely little butterflies,
When he looks into my eyes,
I can't believe we have to say goodbye

^^ Great way to end it. It's really sad, but amazing.

All together, I think it really puts a picture in ones mind. I can really feel the emotion in it. Great job.

Soda E>

You hold my hand, so carefully and gently,
Then look into my eyes, intently,
And say, I am sorry, I feel differently

^^ I liked that stanza the most. I could feel the emotions youve poured into it, and reading it really hit home for me. I can relate to it, in some way. I found the rhymes in some parts didnt flow perfectly, but i still enjoyed the read. Amazing work. o.O

"Lovely little butterflies in my stomach flutter,"
`Oh, I love that feeling! Loved the usage of the word "flutter."

"You inched to me a bit closer, watching me melt like butter,"
`Watching me melt like butter - that was a unique way of wording it. :]

"You hold my hand, so carefully and gently,
Then look into my eyes, intently,
And say, I am sorry, I feel differently,"
`This definatly brings a lot of saddness that this person feelings differently. :\ Umm, these lines are shorter than the first stanza again. Try to keep them the same length for every stanza, it should help with the rocky flow.

"I start to cry,
I feel so alone and even shy,
And begin to ask why,

You say that, it was joke, nothing more,
I feel so violated, I fall to the floor,
The tears start to pour,

How could you do this,
You bend down and give my forehead a kind kiss,
Get away from me, I hiss,"
`These three stanzas..the flow kind of really picked up for me.. for me, it was a pretty strong "middle" of your poem. Great!

"I stay where I am, and whimper,
I try to grasp what has just happened but it is all a blur,
All I know is that I do need him, being with him is what I would prefer"
`I loved how you word things and how they bring such saddness throughout but.. the flow again.. starts to disappear again here. Lines are getting long.

"He gives me lovely little butterflies,
When he looks into my eyes,
I can't believe we have to say goodbye "
`Great ending, in my opinion. Very sad! But, yet well written.

Overall, I think you do a fabulous job portraying the sadness.. but you need to work on the flow. :) 4/5

Wow!! this poem is beautiful.
a wonderful write indeed.
i loved how you only had 3 lines in each stanza instead of four.
brillant.
keep up the good work!

I loved the way it started n the way it ended..!
its a rele gd poem..
ur talented ..=D
keep writin..! x]

<3xXDee Xx<3