Hope is a wasted emotion

by ether   Aug 2, 2008


You can watch the still of the sunset alone,
Waiting, watching, hoping in shades of pink and orange
That someone will break the scenery,
Sit with you, and watch as the day submits to the night.

Always a dreamer, cover it with logic you only half believe
They'll believe you, and they don't care.
But I don't believe you and maybe that's why
I'm sitting here watching the first stars push through, alone.

It's okay, listen you here; some people are born
To live and feel in solitude,
It will all be okay for me,
As long as you don't tell me otherwise.

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  • "You can watch the still of the sunset alone,
    Waiting, watching, hoping in shades of pink and orange"
    >love the way you started this poem. the imagery is amazing and the colors it paints on my mind are wonderful.
    "That someone will break the scenery,"
    >this line has so much emotion....bitterness?
    as if that some one always distracts you form your colorful sights...or...and breaks the image infront of you.
    "Sit with you, and watch as the day submits to the night."
    >this line again has the emotion...of love, but also bitterness. and the way your diction to describe day turning to night was beautiful.

    "Always a dreamer, cover it with logic you only half believe"
    >a fake? aren't we all...we always try to understand life...find a reason to it...this line describes the true feelings of mostly everyone...
    "They'll believe you, and they don't care.
    But I don't believe you and maybe that's why
    I'm sitting here watching the first stars push through, alone."
    >like this whole stanza. and also like the way you didn't really mention it was night...you used other words to describe it...true talent!

    "It's okay, listen you here; some people are born"
    >this line is quite confusing...maybe try rewording it...or just leave it out...it sort of disrupts the whole flow of the poem.
    "To live and feel in solitude,
    It will all be okay for me,
    As long as you don't tell me otherwise."
    >another amazing ending! the emotion accumulated (i think i spelled that wrong) in the poem exploded with in these words..
    keep it up!

    overall a very great poem. just look into what i told you and it would make the poem even greater!!
    5/5 from me!!

    **Ada**
    *aBSwaBHiaPL*

  • 15 years ago

    by Blissful

    The title just caught my eye and I was curious as to what would be the hidden message behind your words.

    1st Stanza.
    I enjoyed the opening scene you created. It gave me a place to imagine myself as I continued to read. Sunsets are a beautiful masterpiece that is so special when its shared with someone you love and you expressed these want flawlessly.

    " watch as the day submits to the night"
    ^A very unique way of saying watch the sunset. I enjoyed this line, very refreshing to see something new.

    2nd Stanza.
    I didnt really enjoy your repitition of the word "believe" here. Maybe it was used on purpose to get across a point but it didnt appeal to me. The power behind your words here was just great. I read the stanza a few times to fully understand the meaning behind your words. Now thats what shows how great a poem is. It has the reader wondering and re-reading to fully understand.

    "first stars push through, alone."
    ^Again another unique of saying something simple. The image this painted in my mind was nice and I really enjoyed this line.

    3rd Stanza.
    I liked what you had to say. You had me interested and agreeing with your message. You got what you wanted to say across with few words and no need for fancy tricks which worked for you.

    I do think the flow here was rocky and maybed some expanded vocabulary could have been used but I enjoyed the message. Sometimes poetry isnt about dazzling the eye but getting across something and you did that here.

    Well done.
    *5/5*

  • 15 years ago

    by BeautifulxMess

    Okay for starters, the poems flow
    was really rocky. It just didn't roll
    off the tongue because you cut so
    many lines off and put them in the
    next one and that puts off the flow.
    If you want to make a non rhyme
    poem flow is your number one objective.
    But I like the emotion and the story you
    put to it. Could use some work but keep
    it up and you will get that one day.
    5/5
    <3Tay

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Woah, lets just say your title really captured my attention, because I don't agree with the statement! Haha. Wonderful title.. eye-catcher!

    Great imagery indeed in this piece. The first stanza or so at least. It was a short write, but it did say something worth thinking about. Wonderful job. (: 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Shinobi

    This poem is short, and expresses a lot.
    I liked the story, as it goes, and the choosing of words as well. The words weren't sufisticated, and they sufixed to the poem.
    There weren't any rhymes, which made it a bit less flowent, but that's all.

    Nice work 5/5