Exposed

I love how you put the twilight book into a poem great job!!!!

**plz comment bak**

As a fellow twilight reader this is great, one of the most epic moments of the book.

I find this kinda of writing interesting, it seems more like poetic story writing, than poetry. It feels like a short story writen back in the 1800's. Its very well done, but the style doesn't intrigue me. Your a great writer tho, it's just my opinion. Keep it up

Wow, I believe anyone who has not watched Twilight will definately do so now. You are a very good writer and you are very vivid in your descriptions.

"Glimmering and reflecting the luminous light,
Like thousands of pure jewels and diamonds.
His marble lips barely seem to even move,
Time seemed to carelessly pass both of us by."

I am speechless, these lines were so beautiful

"Turning away, his face revealed anger and pain,
But he shook that thought off and whispered quietly,
"I'll fight strongly for our love, you know I will,
For what we have will always and forever last."
You really created a magical moment between the two lovers in these phrases.

I edge towards him a few inches more,
Cherishing each moment we were together.
Tracing the outline of his stone-cold lips,
"You're the reason I live, the reason I breathe."
You really show strong emotion here

Inhaling his sweet scent, careful not to push it,
Mesmerized by his unexplainable true beauty.
Holding his icy cold, smooth as marble hand,
This is a dream come true, an untold fantasy.
Here you described the magic of the moment in such a mesmerizing way.

I loved how you ended it, I am sure that Stephanie Meyer would be very pleased. 5/5

Illuminated light seeping through the corners,
The untold truth will be revealed in one step.
Gazing up, he gives me his toothless smile,
Assuring me to not be frightened at all.
^^ last line change it to " Assuring me not to be frightened at all" it helps the flow!!!

He opens the brown gate, as it creaks pitifully,
And takes a big step inside, but into where?
His grasp fades away, leaving me on my own,
Golden sunshine reaches to me, blinding my eyes.
^^loved the imagery in the last line ! great job!

My hand searches for his touch, needing his comfort,
But he is nowhere to be found in this shining aurora.
Trying to turn around back to where I came from,
A voice calls out to me, soothing my heart and soul.
^^ I have read this series and you are doing a good job so far! honestly it fits

"Stay my love, where you are standing, do not fear,"
His words echoing from everywhere in the grassy land.
A cold hand is placed on my shoulder, shocking me,
"Look at me, darling, this is what I am in the sun."
^^ahh!! the glistening skin!! i didn't like this part in the movie though they made it look to cheesy : /

Turning to him, bewildered and astonished,
His flawless body, sparkling and glittering.
He then lies down, as still and calm as a statue,
"Exactly why we can't be seen when the sun is out."
^^ i so wish vampires like this were real ! it would be amazing!!! oh and good job so far!!!

Glimmering and reflecting the luminous light,
Like thousands of pure jewels and diamonds.
His marble lips barely seem to even move,
Time seemed to carelessly pass both of us by.
^^ favorite stanza!!! you did a great job with playing with the words and keeping the reader intruiged

My feet automatically move next to where he's at,
Resting my head down, I take a deep slow breath.
He mutters, "You are not afraid, not the least bit?"
My eyes joke , "What should I expect from a vampire?"
^^ "My eyes joke" <<amazingly wonderful wording here!!! it was unique and grasping!

Light laughter escapes from his lips, surprising me,
He smiles so gently, "True, but you'll get used to it."
My heart skips a beat, avoiding his eyes, I ask,
"Edward, how long do we have to be together?"
^^ahh maybe change the last lines wording it sounds like she wants to be away from him..maybe its just me though

Turning away, his face revealed anger and pain,
But he shook that thought off and whispered quietly,
"I'll fight strongly for our love, you know I will,
For what we have will always and forever last."
^^the quoted part was worded funny to it confused me

I edge towards him a few inches more,
Cherishing each moment we were together.
Tracing the outline of his stone-cold lips,
"You're the reason I live, the reason I breathe."
^^ : ) he is adorable

Inhaling his sweet scent, careful not to push it,
Mesmerized by his unexplainable true beauty.
Holding his icy cold, smooth as marble hand,
This is a dream come true, an untold fantasy.
^^ adorable...

Sensational blue skies turn to red, as the sun sets,
Darkness closing in, ending the blissful afternoon.
We then find our way quickly back to the small gate,
Where it all started, and hidden secrets were exposed.
^^ perfect ending the last line fit perfectly!!

honestly i do not get why you put this in sad poems?! it is a cute love poem!!!!! Great job
5/5

What a story! You impressed me greatly!
I am going to add you to my favs now and say the words you said to me a few moments ago: never stop writing:)

Hugs,

5/5 Ingrid